The Best Version of Yourself

You can hear it everywhere now – be the best version of yourself – but what does that really mean?  When you think about the best version of yourself, what do you envision?

If you had asked me that a few years ago, I would have said “the best version of me is me standing 5’6” tall, 180 pounds, in a cream-colored pantsuit wearing gold jewelry, face BEAT, feeling like a BOSS as I enter a sales meeting where I KNOW I have the product the client wants and needs to buy.”

It’s a nice picture and I can still imagine that day, but that vision was all superficial. There’s so much more to me than what we see on the surface.

That vision of me didn’t take into account the challenges I’ve been faced with or the obstacles I’ve overcome to become that version of myself.  It wasn’t concerned with where my head was at and why I felt the need to “beat my face” rather than go clean and natural or what the deal was with the gold accessories. Did it consider whether I was a spiritual wreck? And what had I scrimped, saved and poured out emotionally and mentally to come up with that amazing product the client wanted to buy? Did that version of me care? Nope! That version of me was concerned with appearances and as long as it appeared that I was makin’ it, I was good.

But things aren’t always what they appear to be.

Some of the ugliest and most beautiful pieces of ourselves lie just beneath the surface of what we see every day. We need only to investigate. When we commit to ourselves and to discovering who we are and why we are who we think we are, we learn so much about not only ourselves, but those around us. The bigger picture of our connection to others, their impact on us and our impact on them begins to come into focus. Bondages are broken and true freedom becomes attainable.

I’ve begun the journey of self-exploration and it is an ongoing process. I’ve uncovered lies that lead to destructive habits, sought and found answers to questions, and challenged myself and others on things we’d always taken for granted. Years later I’m still discovering the truth about me and learning to love every bit of who I am.

Now when I think about the best version of me, this version includes EVERYTHING; my mental and emotional state, spiritual connection with GOD, physical health and appearance, and living my truth because I realize that the best version of myself is not a static state, a moment in time.  The best version of myself is fluid, always evolving, reaching for better.  Will there ever be a time that I’ll say “ok, I’ve expanded my mind enough, learned everything I want to learn, so I’ll stop now” or “I’m physically fit, so I don’t want to get any healthier?”  I don’t think so.

I can imagine a version of myself now and move toward it, and as I attain more clarity around who I am and who GOD intends for me to be, the image that I have of myself will change.

The best version of me may look like the woman I described in the beginning, but I will be that because of who I am inside. For now, the best version of me is an open-minded individual who sees the opportunity for good in every situation.  My glass isn’t half full, it’s overflowing with promises of love, laughter, joy and prosperity.  I set healthy boundaries for interaction with others and allow space for vulnerability, understanding that the walls I erect to keep out the bad also keep out the good. My personal relationship with GOD is getting stronger everyday as I draw closer to Him; better understand His character; and relinquish the control I never really had in favor of obedience to His will for my life.  I’m energetic and inquisitive, kind and giving.  I can speak my mind and feel what I feel without making others wrong for feeling differently. I choose powerfully and live according to the choices I’ve made.

At the end of the day, I am so much more than a pretty face in a business suit!

Only when I dared to go inside where the truth, lies and secrets reside could I examine the fullness of who I am. I acknowledge my dark side, but I don’t dwell on it. I challenge the lies whispered in my mind that stir up fear, jealousy, anger, and pettiness by calling them into the light where they evaporate like dew on a hot morning in July.

Sometimes I fail.

When I do, I repeat the lesson, grow stronger and try again.

Now I’m winning.  A newer, stronger, better version of me. I’ll keep striving toward the best version of me until I breathe my last breath.

Now it’s your turn. Shine the light on yourself.

What is the best version of you?

Ketima Signature B

Thank you for taking a glimpse of the world through my eyes.  I hope you enjoy the scenery

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Are You Unintentionally Disrespecting Your Man?

Imagine this scenario: You and your man are out to a restaurant with friends. The food is good, drinks are flowing and the conversation is lively. Everyone is having a good time. Your friend’s man reaches for the salt and accidentally knocks her drink over, spilling it on the table and in her lap.

“Watch what you’re doing!” she shouts, jumping up from her seat and brushing the ice from her pants. “You’re so clumsy.”

“Honey, I’m sorry,” he says, attempting to blot the liquid from the table and handling her some dry napkins. “I didn’t realize –“

“Just stop!” she snaps, cutting him off and grabbing the napkins with a sigh and roll of her eyes. “I’ll do it.”

Meanwhile, you and your other friends exchange empathetic glances with her man as he returns to his seat, dejected, waiting for the storm to pass.

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“No” is not a four-letter word

Her voice carries in the hallway as she greets her adoring fans.  The closer it gets, the louder it gets; and the hair on the back of your neck stands at attention.   She’s coming to your office and you know exactly what she wants.  Unable to dash out for fear of being seen, you hide under your desk, hoping she will keep going if she doesn’t see you sitting there.

And then a figure fills your doorway and casts a shadow across the floor.  It’s Stacy, your coworker!  You squeeze your eyes shut, as if by doing so she will become temporarily blind, and hold your breath.  It seems like an eternity before she mutters an expletive and walks away.  Gasping for air, you crawl out from under your desk, as again you hear her voice in the hallway; only this time it’s getting farther and farther away.

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The Sexual Double Standard: A Lock & Key Analogy

Lock and KeyFor a good part of my 48 years,  for one reason or another, I’ve heard examples of the double standard being applied to males and females.  Particularly when it comes to sexual morality, males have more freedom than females; but why?  This unwritten code of sexual behavior had never been explained to me as succinctly as it recently was by a 16-year-old high school student.

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Forgive us our trespasses…

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us – the seventh and eighth lines of The Lord’s Prayer; a prayer many of us recite daily.  Just imagine if the Lord forgave us according to the measure we use to forgive others.  Things would look pretty bleak!

We’ve all been hurt, lied to, misunderstood,  or rejected by someone.   The pain is real and we want to strike back, but the trick is to forgive them for the transgression and let it go.  Let it go! Continue reading

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But what should I say?

“You say what you want to say when you don’t care who’s listening” – Allen Ginsberg

Profound words?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Definitely liberating for a new blogger like me!

For months I poured over my blog; writing and re-writing, tweaking my thoughts.  Trying to get everything perfect for my debut post. I have no idea how to blog.  I mean, I know what I want to say, generally, but what if it doesn’t come across in a catchy, bloggy kind of way? And who’s gonna listen to what I have to say, anyway? Continue reading

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It’s all coming together

When I contemplated becoming a life coach, I had no idea where it would take me.  All I knew was that I wanted to help people achieve more fulfilling relationships with their romantic partners, family members and friends.  Now, 3 years later, I’ve taken that vision a step further, with the hope that I can reach even more people than before. Continue reading

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